Grandma,

I had my first child right after I got married. My mother was not so happy as I dropped out of collage and got married and then became pregnant. My child is now 3 and my husband and I have been carefully saving and planning for our next child. When we found out we were have another child, my husband and I were thrilled. Being very close with my mother, I wanted her to be the first to know. I had my son tell grandma that mommy was having a baby. She thought that was very cute and said congratulations, however did not sound very excited. I am disappointed by her reaction. I feel as if I did something wrong. Should I say anything or let her get used to the idea first?

Please advise, Kari

Dear Friend,

Your disappointment lies not so much in your mother’s reaction as in your expectation of what her reaction should be. The feeling you have that you did something wrong is your problem. That also allows your mother a lot of power in your life. I understand that you want your mother to be deliriously happy over the birth of your second child, and there’s the problem. People don’t always act in the manner we want, and they have the right to their feelings as well as we do.

At least she acted appropriately when your son told her about the new baby, and that’s a start. I think your idea of letting her get used to the idea is a very good one. There are very few grandmothers who don’t cave once that baby is in their arms. And if she doesn’t, it’s her loss.

Congratulations!
Grandma Maggie

Peggy Moss, AKA "Grandma Maggie," was was an owner/partner in BabyNames.com after she retired as an early childhood educator. Her Q&A column "Ask Grandma Maggie" is now republished with the best of Grandma Maggie’s parenting and childcare advice. She has written many eBooks about parenting issues, available at Amazon.com.

Peggy, who passed in 2014, was mother to Sue, Kate, Jennifer, and Mallory Moss, and grandmother to Ike, Peter, Miranda, and Veronica.