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Ask Grandma Maggie

Parenting & Childcare Advice
Peggy Moss (1933-2014), also known as Grandma Maggie, penned a parenting column on this site for many years. Back by popular demand, we are republishing the column, sharing with you the best of Grandma Maggie’s parenting and childcare advice.
Unfortunately Grandma Maggie is no longer able to take questions.

I’m pregnant and my husband has been deployed.
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Dear Grandma Maggie,

I am 23 years old and 12 weeks pregnant with my first baby (a total surprise). My husband and I have only been married for about 4 months. He deployed last month and will be gone for a year. When we first found out we were pregnant I was excited, but lately I’ve been dreading it. I mean, part of me is excited but there’s another part of me that wishes I could go back and change it. I feel like the worst mother in the world! Is it normal to feel this way? If so, does the feeling go away? Should I talk to my husband about how I’m feeling? I feel horrible for feeling this way about my baby. Please help.

Thank you,
Feeling Awful


Dear Friend,

I think most any feelings are normal during pregnancy, or if not normal, certainly acceptable. I think you might try cutting yourself some slack in this area. You are pregnant after being married a mere four months. Still that’s a happy time. Then your husband is deployed and the worries that go with that have to affect you. However, you would have concerns whether you are pregnant or not. When pregnant, we woman seem to blame all the negative on the pregnancy and that just isn’t so. Try this. Write a journal about your life right now and include all parts. You could also start a scrapbook for your baby if that appeals to you.

If the negative feelings overcome the positive and don’t recede, I suggest you see a professional for some help with this issue. Remember, the hormones are also raging.

My best,
Grandma Maggie