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Ask Grandma Maggie

Parenting & Childcare Advice
Peggy Moss (1933-2014), also known as Grandma Maggie, penned a parenting column on this site for many years. Back by popular demand, we are republishing the column, sharing with you the best of Grandma Maggie’s parenting and childcare advice.
Unfortunately Grandma Maggie is no longer able to take questions.

Should I let my ex-husband have visitation?
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Dear Grandma Maggie,

My ex and I have a beautiful 2 year old girl. I separated from my ex about a year and some months ago. He saw her a little less than a month after we separated. Since then he has not seen her, but has asked to see her twice. I am hesitant to let him see her. He knows how I feel about him being in and out of her life and yet to him it is not a big deal. He thinks he’s not hurting her or that she doesn’t know any better about what’s going on or who he really is.

I’m confused as to what to do. I don’t want to deny her her father, but I’m afraid as to how she’s going to react when she gets older about this whole situation. The court order allows him to see her two weekends out the month (1st and last) and on father’s day —  the judge left it up to us to decide holidays. Since we live about 6 hours apart, he has to drive our way to see her and under my supervision until she’s girlcomfortable enough to go with him alone. Please I need your advice desperately.

Dear Mom,

Here’s the best thing you can do. Since there is such a distance of miles between you and your ex, ask that he let you know ahead of time when it is convenient to see his daughter. Do your utmost to agree to a time he tells you, because that’s what is best for your daughter. Don’t worry about what will happen later because when she is old enough to question she will also be old enough to understand simple explanations. If you always welcome her father and don’t speak ill of him, it is something she will always remember as she grows up. That’s my best advice for any parent separated from the other by distance.

Grandma Maggie