Ask Grandma Maggie

Parenting & Childcare Advice
Peggy Moss (1933-2014), also known as Grandma Maggie, penned a parenting column on this site for many years. Back by popular demand, we are republishing the column, sharing with you the best of Grandma Maggie’s parenting and childcare advice.
Unfortunately Grandma Maggie is no longer able to take questions.

My in-laws hate me, and now I’m expecting. Now what?

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Hi,newborn-1024142_640

My husband and I just found out that we are going to be having a baby. My in-laws do not like me because I am not who they picked out for my husband. They have been very ugly to me and my husband since the day we announced our engagement. My husband has stated that he doesn’t want his mother in the room when I deliver. I haven’t told him but I don’t want them there either. I really don’t want them at the hospital. I know if they show up that something will be said and the police will be called. My family and his family don’t like each other.

Is it wrong of my husband and I not to want his parents there at the hospital?

Heather

Dear Heather,

There are no rights or wrongs where your feelings are concerned. They are your feelings and they are valid to you. No one is allowed in the delivery room if you tell your doctor you don’t want them in there.This is an issue for your husband to handle as they are his parents. Here is what he must tell them. “When Heather goes to the hospital, there will only be a few of us allowed in the labor and delivery room. That would be me and her family. When the baby is delivered, we will call you and let you know. IF Heather feels up to it, you may come and see your grandchild but if there is any kind of negativity towards her or her parents, I will call security and you will have to leave. This must be something you get used to if you want to be part of your grandchild’s life. We want him to love both sides of his family and notice that they are kind and polite to everyone.”

As far as you, my dear, try not to anticipate all the negativity you expect from them. It takes two to tango and if you start to be kind to them perhaps you will be treated better. This kind of drama is the stuff of soap operas, and you also have the power to defuse it and not partake. If it begins, get up and walk into another room. Warn your husband that you may leave rather than be part of it. It’s not good for you, it’s not good for your husband, and it’s not good for your baby.

Kindest regards,
Grandma Maggie