Ask Grandma Maggie

Parenting & Childcare Advice
Peggy Moss (1933-2014), also known as Grandma Maggie, penned a parenting column on this site for many years. Back by popular demand, we are republishing the column, sharing with you the best of Grandma Maggie’s parenting and childcare advice.
Unfortunately Grandma Maggie is no longer able to take questions.

Help! Father is not happy with new baby.

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Dear Grandma,

I am almost 20 years old and expecting my first child sometime around the end of January.
It has been the craziest time of my life already. The second I found out I was pregnant I was a little nervous and upset. With some encouragement from my neighbors and friends I became very excited. My boyfriend, however, was very angry. This wasn’t planned, but I don’t understand why he is so angry. I’m 7 weeks along and was about 4 weeks along when we found out. He still isn’t happy. Him not being happy seems to be making my life miserable. Finally I got fed up with his attitude and moved out. I am now living with my parents who think it is amazing that I am having their first grandchild. I wish that he could be as happy as everyone else. I don’t know what to say to him anymore to make him less angry. He lied to my neighbors about this whole thing. Around them he acted as if he was excited. He told them that he doesn’t want kids but now he is going to have one and he is happy. With me, he just seems to be very angry and rarely talks to me.

baby-539969_640 I know that he still cares about me because when I moved out he was sad. He tells me that he misses me. For a while there I felt like because he didn’t care much for me having a baby that he didn’t care about me anymore. If he cares about me so much why isn’t being happy that I am having a baby? What can I say to him to comfort him or make him feel okay about this?

Sincerely,
Ish

Dear Friend,

You can’t make someone feel what they don’t feel. If you are happy and have support from family and friends, then that is great and will have to be enough for you. HOWEVER, you and your child are entitled to financial support from the baby’s father.You might have to take legal action in order to get that financial support, but your child deserves it. I think this man likes you WHEN you agree with him and WHEN you do what he wants you to do. I think that’s called control.

Grandma Maggie