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The Waiting

Tom Petty told us that the waiting is the hardest part. He’s probably right about that in terms of a lot of different scenarios, but not with birth. With birth, I’m fairly sure that the hardest part is where you squeeze a small human out of an extremely sensitive part of your body. But we’re waiting, and that’s a thing, too.

We successfully negotiated with this child to be born after Otis’s birthday party, which we celebrated on the 17th of August. The ins and outs of the deal were pretty straight forward, I thought, but when you’re making arrangements with the unborn, there’s no certainty there. You’re never going to get them to make a firm commitment. So you press, you make sure they know what you want. We might have done that a little too well. We’re heading into the 41st week of this pregnancy.

Elizabeth is great at many things, and being pregnant is one of them. She continues to look and feel amazing, despite having inside her a fully formed human being that could easily survive in the world, but chooses not to. Don’t get me wrong, she’s ready to deliver. There are times when it looks like the baby is trying to push its way out through one of her sides. “Go down!” we urge. No use. It looks like it’s trying to find a zipper.

I’m entering the third arrangement of my beer intake. It went from a solemn, preparatory Hardly Any a couple weeks ago to Why Not A Few? in recent days. I was playing a little fast and loose with it, I realize. The last two births have come in the middle of the night, and with every sip of a delicious IPA, I tried to gauge how waking up at 11:30 to be up the rest of the night would feel. “A pot of coffee erases all sins,” I told myself. This morning, after last evening’s ill-advised Old Fashioned + Large Bottle Beer, I concede it’s time to go back to “Hardly Any, If At All.” Maybe birth adrenaline would have taken care of this nagging little headache, but who knows? Maybe the baby’s waiting for me to sharpen up. It’s worth a try anyway.

The last thing that’s really hanging over my head is the John Williams concert at the Hollywood Bowl that I’ve promised to take Otis to on Saturday. While denying him the pleasure of watching Star Wars, we’ve been unsuccessful in keeping the detritus at bay. He loves Darth Vadar and light sabers and Chewbacca’s bandolier. And when we play Star Wars – i.e., Otis and Luke chase me around with light sabers while I hold them off with foam nunchucks – we blast the Imperial March. He’s also grown quite fond of the Jurassic Park theme, the E.T. flying bikes music, the Superman Theme and the Raider’s of the Lost Ark theme.

A friend of mine, also a father to a young boy, has become a big wheel in the world of the people who made those movies and has scored us seats down front for J Dubbs show at the Hollywood Bowl. Otis can’t wait to get blasted in the face by that music, and for the video clips he thinks might play, and for the fireworks he’s been promised at the end. So there’s a window of time in which I’m committed to a mass of people, a child’s expectations and bad parking options thirty crucial minutes from my house, and I’m considering entering into new negotiations with the unborn. But I think I’ve learned my lesson.


Invitation to the Bliss-scape

We’ve known for a little while now, but if you’re reading this it means Elizabeth has told her work and thus the news is ready for the internet: we are expecting baby number three at the end of August.

If your reaction is something along the lines of “Hey that’s great, good for you guys, what’s for lunch?” you’re like most of the dudes I’ve told. One gentleman, an overworked father of two himself, told me, “Woah. Okay.” He stared at traffic for a little while, and then said, “Congratulations?”

Perhaps the thinking among the other fathers is: “Why invite such hassle? You’re set up with two, brother! Be happy and move forward.” It’s strange. Babies and children have gotten a bad rap among parents.

As with anything, it’s all a matter of choice. One can certainly focus on the sleepless nights ahead, the needs and demands that are set to multiply, the inevitable minivan. One of my favorite comedians, Natasha Leggero, says babies are a DUI from the universe. I love Natasha Leggero, but I’m not going down like that.

It may be less acceptable, especially for a grinding stay-at-home parent to say, but I can’t wait. I’m not just excited to have another kid, I’m excited to have another baby.

I suppose I should confess a love for (almost) all things psychedelic and metaphysical. I jump at a chance to catch a glimpse of the perfect geometery that threads the multiverse, and have experimented with various plant medicines in those efforts. I tell you as one who’s dipped his toes into the deep waters, babies are the ayahuasca of everyday existence. You leave your body and they transport you to this holy, otherworldly dimension. Time barely exists, all is love, sleepy and fulfilled. There is no friction. You float through problems and setbacks, you drift effortlessly from annoyance to deep contentment. Bliss is unavoidable.

And then, it’s three months gone by. The baby is kinda stable. Real life slowly starts to creep back in so that by the time they’re walking and talking at a year or 16 months, you look around at you’re grooving the laundry and the floors at naptime, hustling the mise-en-place. The trip is ending, the magic lifted.

One has choice to make. You can focus on the sleep deprivation, the disgusting state of your appearance and your home, the chaos of your work and financial situations. Or you can put that wee thing in your arms and step out of the noise and into a parallel dimension where time stops and bullshit is washed away in a flood of soul rejoicing.

This baby will be our last. I’m like 99% sure of that. We’re no spring chickens. If we stop now, I’m 42 by the time this last one is in school. I’ll be 39 or so when we’re reliably sleeping through the night (if the sleep patterns of our previous two look anything like this one’s).

But no. Let’s make one adjustment at a time. For the time being, my leisurely-vasectomy-recovery fantasy is just that. Conscious parenting, living in the moment, living the life that you sing about – this is why we have children, and this is what makes them good. Whether I shall behold the pure, shimmering bliss-scape of babyhood again is unknown. What is for sure is that when number three comes along, I’ll let myself fall headfirst into that rare, wonderful space and will treat myself to the splendors within.

And for a while, gents, I’ll be a little unavailable, so you gotta come to me, preferably with food and beer.


Josh Turner & Wife Expecting Baby Number Three!

josh-turner1Singer Josh Turner will have one more thing to pack up the next time he goes on tour–a new baby!  Turner and wife Jennifer–parents of Hampton, three, and Colby, one–will be adding a fifth member to their family early nex year.

In fact, Turner was the one who encouraged Jennifer to take a pregnancy test, and even when the first one came up negative, he didn’t buy it.

“So when she took another and told me she’s pregnant, all I could say was, ‘I told you,'” joked the daddy-to-be.

As far as taking their kids on the road?

“We’ll just have to buy a bigger bus,” said Turner.


Ellen Pompeo Is Getting Ready for a Baby Girl!

Chris Ivery and Ellen Pompeo

The Grey’s Anatomy star is anticipating a new starring role: mom! According to an InTouchWeekly.com article, Pompeo and her husband Chris Ivery are expecting their first baby — a girl — in October. Pompeo was recently seen shopping in the Sherman Oaks, California, Juvenile Shop. According to reports, she got some help completing her registry from Nicole Richie.


Gisele’s Missing Baby Bump
Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen

Despite shooting down pregnancy rumors only last month, Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady are, in fact, expecting! According to People, the 29-year-old model, who recently completed a shoot for London Fog, is expecting the couple’s first child. Don’t expect to see any belly in the seductive campaign, though. Despite appearing in a trench coat (and nothing else!), Bündchen’s baby bump has been edited from the photos.

“Although Gisele was photographed while pregnant,” wrote London Fog’s Chief Marketing Officer Dari Marder, “most of the shots have been retouched to respect her privacy during this wonderful and personal time in her life.”
Brady, quarterback for the New England Patriots, was quoted earlier this year saying one was enough (he has a son, John Edward Thomas, with former girlfriend Bridget Moynahan), but apparently two is better!


Cat Cora’s Expecting–Times Two!

Iron Chef Cat Cora is expecting not one, but two babies!  And she’s not having twins.   Cora and her wife, Jennifer, are both expecting boys using the same sperm donor that helped them conceive their older sons, Caje, nearly two, and Zoran, five.  The boys will be born approximately three months apart, though no specific due dates have been announced.

The couple are each carrying the other’s embryos, so they will both be a part of their sons’ lives from conception.  And they’re guaranteed to have plenty of sous chefs in the kitchen once the newest members join the family!


Pea in the Pod–Rapper Taboo to be a Daddy Again

TabooLook’s like there will be another pea in rapper Taboo‘s pod.  The Black Eyed Peas rapper (real  name: Jaime Luis Gómez) announced that he and wife Jaymie Dizon are expecting their first child together!  The baby is due this summer and will be the second for Taboo, who has a fifteen year-old son named Joshua.

The couple married last summer.


Hank Azaria to be a Daddy!

Hank AzariaHank Azaria is going to be a daddy!  The actor announced that he and girlfriend Katie Wright are expecting their first child together this summer and that they’re “quite ecstatic” about the news.  The couple have been dating for two years and said they’re currently searching for a new home for their growing family.


Chad Lowe to be a Daddy!

Chad LoweActor Chad Lowe and his girlfriend, producer Kim Painter, just announced that they are expecting their first child together this May!  The couple told PEOPLE they are “overjoyed” by the news.  While Entertainment Tonight claims the baby is a girl, the parents-to-be are remaining mum for now.


Rachel Griffiths Expecting Number Three!

Rachel GriffithsBrothers & Sisters star Rachel Griffiths is expecting her third child with husband Andrew Tyler.  The couple have two children, Adelaide Rose, 3, and Banjo Patrick, five, who shares a name with Australian poet “Banjo” Paterson.  Any guesses as to what Aussie-inspired name the couple will use next?

No due date has been announced, though sources but the actress close to three months along.

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