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Nutella Interruptus

nutella-on-a-spoonI was half way to the local frozen yogurt shop, 1.3 miles to my Nutella-with-carob-chips-and-almonds CRACK frozen dessert when the call came in.

“MOM!” You’ve heard of Big Brother. That’s nothing compared to Big Daughter.

“MOM!!! You had a big meal. Now you want to add more CARBS on? You want to be unhealthy? You want to have a fat BUTT!”

I knew I should have left my phone at home. What are we teaching our kids? I educate her in healthy foods and now I’m screwed. She always gives me the 5th grade evil eye whenever something remotely delicious is centimeters from my mouth. I’ve started sneaking food in my own home, retreating to my closet to avoid the “I’ve taken Nutrition in STAR” look on her face as she rolls her eyes in disgust.

“Turn around, NOW!” she yells/whines/demands in my Bluetooth. “But they have NUTELLA flavor this week,” I beg meekly into the phone. “It’s my FAVORITE!”.

Where’s her compassion? Her big heart? I make a last ditch effort, “Carob is healthier than chocolate chips!” It’s like I’m raising a Janet Napolitano or something. “Stop whining and U-TURN IT now, Mom!” .

And what do I do? I follow the Secretary of Dietary Security’s command. I cower and cave and pull a U Turn on my residential street. Tail between my legs, I skulk into my house, no yogurt, no toppings, no dignity.

So, moms, think twice before you instill good eating habits in your kids. Either that, or get a big closet.